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Big Boss' Guide to Christmas Shopping

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Christmas. It's such a busy time of year for us parents, and it can be really difficult finding the right gift for that all important family member - or maybe it's just me that has that problem. So this year I've approached my Christmas gift shopping a little differently (with the assistance of Target who provided $150 worth of vouchers for the exercise). I threw 50 bucks worth of vouchers at my folks, the missus, and to two of my three little lady leiutenants. I also gave myself the same budget. Handing out vouchers made me feel like a Big Boss throwing money at an understudy or two - so just think of me as Tony Soprano. Here's the Big Boss's guide to Christmas shopping. 

The mission?...read it below you lazy bugger, I can't narrate everything for you...wise guy.

The mission

  • Head to that special joint down the road - the local Target store. Make sure you're not followed by any Feds.
  • Exchange 50 buck voucher for the goods. Use it wisely and don't disappoint, this family expects quality.
  • Report back to Big Boss Bucky. Don't just stand there! Move! Move!
Bucky Target Bucky-Target-Haul

I might be a Big Boss, but even I need a Christmas present. Whilst I'm waiting for a shipping container of Italian suits to arrive on the docks, I'm gonna have to find some threads to get me through. This haul cost $60.58. So I went a little over budget with this one...hey I can do that, this is my blog post, I'm the boss.

If I wanted to, I could be a Target poster boy - they've asked me several times you know, but I don't wear budgie smugglers in catalogues so I had to turn them down.

The Missus Gifts for the Missus

Us mob bosses like our espresso, but sometimes we need to make coffees like milkshakes for when we entertain, you know what I mean? With this little baby we can heat up milk in the time it takes me to light a cigar. The good wife came in under budget by a single buck, spending $49 even on a milk frother and a couple of la-di-da looking mugs to go with it.

Bugger waiting for Christmas, I'll be ripping into this the moment the missus heads to the laundry to do my washing..."What's that darling? Nothing dear, I'm just handwashing your dress, cleaning the kitchen and hanging out the washing...".

"What are you looking at? You heard and saw nothing, you understand me?  Good, get back on the job".

Kid A Gifts for the Eight Year Old Girl

So the little lady (alias Bookworm), my oldest little boss, had to share fifty smackaroos with the other little boss - her little sister. Luckily Target had excellent specials on toys (which seems pretty common I have to admit) the day we visited the premises . Kid A spent $26.50 on Barbie and Ken dolls. Such a cliche gift for a little Captain, but what else is she gonna get, a box of cuban cigars?? A very suitable gift. We indulged in some bling, grabbing a mood ring at the last minute which took us over budget, but at the cost of $4 it didn't matter.

Four bucks wouldn't buy the paper that my cigars come wrapped in. It's not an issue, and if it was, it'd be my problem not yours, so quit whining.

Four Year Old Girl Gifts for the Four Year Old Girl

The 2IC (alias Foghorn or Chatterbox) didn't know the meaning of a budget. She's new to the game so can be fogiven. Chatterbox chose a couple of doll thingys, a baby Cinderella or something and a Rupunzel figurine (inc toy beach accessories). These were very hot - we had to wrestle at least one of these away from a covert spy (undercover as a three year old girl - poorly disguised, the moustache gave it away) so I dare say they're going to sell quicker than cheap nuclear waste fuel rods on the black market. All up, with another set of 4 buck bling rings, this came to $30.50. So we're over budget again, sue me - if my Captains want bling, they can have it. And what's it to ya anyway, I'm the wise one, you're the wise guy, bugger off and buy me a donut.

At least these ones don't require batteries, the last thing I need is some Cinderella doll yelling "Mumma Mumma" in my ear when I'm trying to listen to phone taps of my enemies.

The Retired Parents Gifts for Parents / Grandparents

Possibly the hardest present to buy, the Matriarch and real Big Boss of the family. I expected magnifying glasses and stable tables, or maybe some of those special jars that preserve olives, but the real bosses chose a kitchen thingy that steams stuff. Hey, it's not quite a pen full of pigs that eat humans, but they can buy what they want. I'm not gonna argue it with them, are you? It looks mighty fine and I'm sure this will get a good run on Christmas Day when the family El Capitan cooks my favourite cauliflower & breadcrumbs dish, whatever it's called. A practical purchase, and at 50 bucks on the dot it's perfectly priced.

I wonder if the Feds have bugged this thing? Important conversations happen in the kitchen at Christmas time, like who's not pulling their weight in the kitchen, who's bowling first at street cricket, and who received the crappiest Kris Kringle present. I better sweep this device properly before we bring it in the house.

So there we have it wise guys, all the gifts you need. You can either get these on the black market and not pass your GST onto the Government, or you can get them legitimately from your local Target store, as I did (I recommend this, you don't want to give those Feds an excuse to walk through your front door). It only takes 50 bucks (or thereabouts) to buy something practical for those important people in your life.

Now if you'd excuse me, I need to go speak to a man about a special investment.

Merry Christmas, from the mob.

 

Official Target Blogger

And as Official Target Bloggers, Merry Christmas from Target.

http://shop.target.com.au/

 

Last modified on Tuesday, 18 December 2012 00:19
Bucky

Bucky is a proud triple dad to three girls aged eight and under (Bookworm, Foghorn and Boo). He left the full time corporate world in late 2012 and he's not sure whether he's a SAHD or a WAHD, but either way he's spenidng more time at home with his family. Once upon a time Bucky played guitar for a garage band, now he can only play nursery rhymes.

Bucky would like to be an official chocolate, beer and scotch tester - please contact him here if you can help with this.Aussie Daddy Blogger Member

You can follow Bucky on nearly every social media network known to man, but maybe start with Twitter. You can also follow his dog on Twitter if you really like.

You can give Bucky Klout for "Parenting", "Dads" or "Social Media" here (Thanks!).

Bucky is a proud Aussie Daddy Blogger.

 

Website: www.tacklenappy.com/dads-diaries/buckys-trophy-cabinet

2 comments

  • Comment Link Bucky Wednesday, 19 December 2012 22:25 posted by Bucky

    LOL. Tork, nothing like a great dad joke, and who wouldn't want a book full of 'em for Christmas?!?!? We'll give you a shameless plug one day on the TackleNappy Radio Show, on Funkykidsradio.com.au (oh, did I just leave a shameless plug too????).

    Report
  • Comment Link Tork Wednesday, 19 December 2012 22:08 posted by Tork

    nice.. I was lucky enough to grab a few Target vouchers myself.. Very handy at Xmas hey man?

    pssst.. if you need a great dad joke book for Xmas as well, I know a great place to find yurself one!

    http://torkona.blogspot.com/p/the-very-best-dad-jokes-book.html

    *shameful plug*

    :-)

    Report

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